Wednesday, June 10, 2015

First Post Using Desk

A couple of months ago I bought the Mac application “Desk” in hopes that it would make me blog more. I am not finally testing it out to see how I like it.

I have been very crafty lately, crocheting and knitting a ton between working at the local YMCA. I had really been craving that time to be creative so I’m very thankful that I can knit and crochet to keep myself busy. I love having a useful item when the project is finished and the ends are woven in (I hate that part).

I am also back to knitting from the app KnitCompanion on my iPad. I have to say that the app has really changed my life because I have knit some stuff that is seriously complicated that I never would have attempted with the app making it easier for me. The app has also had a recent update, making it even more user friendly.

Until I figure out a way to share photos from Flickr using Desk, I think the app will be basically useless to me. I upload all of my pictures to Flickr (all of the crafty ones anyway) and I can’t find any easy way to share them using the app. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Back? Maybe? We Shall See

My last post was eons ago. 

With my latest surge of craftiness, I feel the need to start blogging again.  I want to show the world what my Ravelry project pages contain.

I've also recently graduated from college.  I'm trying to find a grown up job, but until then I'm continuing my work at the YMCA.  I'm looking forward to seeing where life takes me.

I'm also back on my journey of wellness, this time focusing on the aspects that have plagued me for so long: diet and exercise.

Several months ago, when the Mac application Desk was on sale I purchased it with the hopes that it would make me blog more often.  I haven't, but I do want to start using it.  I'm currently trying to spruce up this blog's design and layout, then I will start blogging from there to see how I like it.  Expect a review of the application soon.

Excited to be back at this!

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Passing Me By

Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by.  I guess I am feeling particularly reminiscent as I consistently reminded of people growing older, things changing, and here I am... stuck in the middle somewhere as always.

I think I can contribute this melancholy state to the end of the school year.  As I packed my bags to head home for the summer, I just marveled on how much my life had changed.  I wasn't the same girl that was sent off to school nearly 4 years ago.  I feel like the people I know from back home do not understand or grasp this concept because they do not leave.  They do not get out.  They do not know what it's like to see the world and the changes that are forced upon you by having to adapt since you have left your "same old same old" environment and headed off into the complete unknown.  Sometimes I am bitter because these people, their lives have continued on here without me.  They've done the things that they need to do to excel without me.  I am no longer apart of that picture.  I hear people complain all the time that they do not have any friends because they are now mothers or have full time jobs or because all their friends went to college.  Well, I can tell you that when I am home I feel the same way.  I don't have any friends left here, not really.  These people have kept changing without me.  I try not to be angry, but when I have to listen to those pity parties I can't help but feel bitter.  They place all the blame on everyone else--for leaving, for not holding up ties, for not doing things as they should... but I think you need your own share of the blame.  The phone works two ways.  You could text me or call me.  You could reach out.  After  a while of no one reaching out, you can't help but feel bitter which is kinda where I'm at right now.

It's amazing to me how much summers have changed over the course of the years.  Before you know it, this one will be over and then comes my senior year of college.  And everything that comes along with it--cap and gown, senior pictures, graduation, etc.  Before you know it the world as I know it will start to change.

It's funny that so long ago I titled this blog Life.As.I.Know.It.  I can't help but laugh at that tonight while I'm throwing my helter skelter thoughts together, writing them down to sort out my mind.  Pretty soon this life as I know it will resemble nothing that I know at all.

I only hope the direction that life takes me as the next part of this journey nears me is the right one, or at the very least an interesting direction.

Friday, January 3, 2014

On Paper

Lately, I haven't been sleeping that much.  When I'm up late at night, sometimes I'm feeling especially reflective.  I don't know what to do with my thoughts, my feelings.  They seem to chase me around at night, keeping me awake.  I don't know how to handle them, how to process where I'm at right now or where I was at, since the memories that keep me awake tend to be those of the past.

Last night, when I couldn't sleep I opened the second drawer on my nightstand, where all of my secrets lie.  I always say that when most of my family has gone to the other side, I will write a book loosely based on my life and most of the content will come from these books.  Last night, I flipped one open and found myself right where I needed to be.  On that page, I had a story about a particular friend and it just made me stop to pause in wonder as to how his life had changed since me writing about that saga.

I don't share the things here that I wish I could sometimes, because this is a very public blog.  Which I love, because it gives people the chance to read my writings and for me to get comments.  However, I don't blog enough about the crafty things I find myself doing or the adventures with my friends. 

I think it's time to take some of my deepest, darkest thoughts back onto paper and see how it goes.  There's so much going on right now that I feel I need to keep a collection of.  I guess I'll see if I can get my hands on an empty notebook and try to write again.  I just wish my handwriting had improved since middle school, when I had my first journal.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Moving into exam week

I'm currently holed up in the Writing Center (where I work) bored out of my mind.  I didn't have to work today but opted to so I could get some work done while I sat in here quietly, plus the little extra money is nice.  I'm going to head to the library after this, praying that I don't slip and fall in the ice, to get an online take home examination completed.  I'm really looking forward to finishing exams, but I have had the hardest time figuring out my method of attack for my exams this time when compared to other times.

I have English 350 Modern Lit to complete as a take home, then the one that I'm going to take tonight is Gender and Sport's online exam.  Then I have a scheduled history of photography exam Tuesday afternoon.  I've already taken my weightlifting final, so that leaves me with figuring out when to take social problems and human health & disease via the formal exam system. 

I should be doing the English exam right now, but I'm too distracted and still suffering from a headache that I woke up with this morning.  I'm going to at least knock out the gender and sport tonight, leaving me all day tomorrow to study and prepare for the exams that I have during this week.  I think that I'm going to take my art history exam in the afternoon, then take an exam Tuesday evening.  After that I will take an exam at some point on Wednesday, probably during the afternoon.  That leaves me with my English take home, which is due on Friday.  I have to finish it before I leave, so I'm going to see if I can get that accomplished at some point during all of that madness.  I'm really nervous about the biology and the social problems exam, because I know that both of those will cover a lot of information.

I guess I'll just have to see where I end up, but regardless by Friday I will be done and my big white butt will be in SoCo for Christmas.  Can't wait.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Sorting Through

I haven't written in so long that this is just a random impulse that is bringing me here tonight.  I need somewhere to process what's going on in my head and I guess vomiting out some words on a little read webpage of a blog from the depths of the interweb is a great place to start.

My mind has been everywhere lately, and I'm sure I'll continue to avoid the purpose of this post even after writing.  I once had such a successful blog, my writing helped me focus and express myself, and my crafting was going fantastic.  People were interested in what I was doing and they were helpful with their comments about my ramblings about life.  I'm only twenty, I'm still trying to figure out so many things.  They tell me it gets easier, but I doubt it honestly.

I've spent most of my life grappling to come to terms with who I am, why I am where I am at, and how to best relate and understand the people around me.  Every day is a constant reminder that while I'm doing a much better job at defining myself as a person when it comes to who I am and what I stand for, I am still struggling to relate to these people around me.  I've spent my whole life processing and handling situations different than everyone else.  Something that I have long ago come to terms with, but it seems that everyone else can't wrap their heads around it and sometimes, it hurts my feelings.

I live in the madness where I don't want people to ask me how I'm doing because they will not want a genuine answer, but also at the point where I crave someone to talk to, someone who initiates and really seems to care. 

Friends seem to constantly point out that I don't initiate fun time with them, but I guess no one can see how much of a struggle it is for me to get up and go to these things they are asking me to do.  Every day is a battle--every day is a battle where I fight the same war inside my head to get up, to function, to breathe, to shower, to go to class, to eat, etc.  It never seems to turn off no matter what I do. 

I don't want to say I've lost hope, but after this much time I've started to see things differently and I don't know if things will ever be "normal" as someone else lives.  I try to believe that everyone was put on this earth for a purpose, but then I wonder what mine is.  I can barely keep my  head above water and I'm doing all that I can, but it just never seems enough. 

Fake it until you make it has long been my motto, but I'm not sure how long it is going to take me to make it.  I don't know how long I can handle people buying into the "faking it" crap either.  I can be the most miserable, a new all time low, and the people around me don't notice.  It's almost sad that I can function at that point, with things so well hidden.  I'm sometimes bitter that the people around me don't notice, don't seem to care, or don't seem to do anything.  But at other times I'm almost proud that I can keep so many secrets and keep so many things covered that no one seems to guess anything at all. 

I feel as if life is a never ending maze of doors I've slammed shut, people I've made angry because they don't understand what I need or what I'm trying to do, or a large pot of problems that I seem to find myself sinking in.

I guess one day I'll figure it all out.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Simple Little Post

Love this game!
I needed to take the time to write a few things and to see where my thoughts left me.  My mind has been every where since returning home for the summer, starting my new job, and starting classes.

I'm also spending a good amount of time avoiding people that I simply don't want to see.  It's amazing how much seeing someone's car somewhere can just fill me with anger and resentment.  I know that it is impossible to avoid certain people forever this summer, but I'm going to need time to adjust to the fact that my old haunts aren't quite as safe as they used to be.

I wanted to share some recent photos with y'all, if I can pull them up. I recently learned that Flickr is offering 1TB of free storage(!) but I hadn't signed in since before the announcement.  At first glance, the site is looking a lot different.

This is about as close to a "Wordless Wednesday" post as I will ever be able to get to.  I just simply ramble too much, but here is my life in pictures for the most part!
My class theme.
Rainbow chasing!
Mason jar cup from WalMart!
I'm obsessed with making myself pretty on instagram
Glitter nails are the best.
What I sent my mom the other day
Back country road
Recent photo... I'm a little bit tanner now!